


Irony at its Best

by SpaceNightwing



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, Halloween Costumes, Humor, batman lost a bet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 00:50:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceNightwing/pseuds/SpaceNightwing
Summary: Based on my batfamily appreciation week post day 3: Halloween. This is the story of how Bruce lost a bet to Clark and why he had to wear “cheap ass DIY Batman spandex complete with styrofoam abs” for Halloween.Original Batfamily Halloween costumes post: https://batfamilysxurce.tumblr.com/post/166986061342/batfamily-appreciation-week-day-3-halloween-bat





	Irony at its Best

“I am telling you, Superman. It could be any day now.”   
   
“You wanna bet?”  
   
Batman huffed an annoyed sigh. Just because Superman was an alien didn’t mean he was an expert on all alien spices access the universe. Batman had been studying the migration patterns of the Zwenites for years. According to his estimates, the ancient Earth colony was due any day now to invade their former home planet and Batman was damned if he was caught ill prepared for such an event.   
   
“We’re talking about a massive invasion of Earth, and you want to make a bet against it?”   
   
In an awful imitation of Batman’s voice, Superman pulled his cap over his face and said, “We’re talking about a massive invasion of Earth, and you want to bet it’ll happen even though it won’t?”   
   
Batman was not amused. The Zwenites were inhabits of the planet Zwen and were an ancient colony of Earth. Batman had made it his business to keep tabs on all of Earth’s colonies, ancient or modern, and the people of Zwen were currently highest on his priority list.   
   
Zwen was a planet 18.9 light years away from Earth, closer to Earth then Krypton. Due to the planets slow rotation around its sun, the former humans had developed the ability to transform into stones to extend their life experiences. Over the past few earth decades, Batman has picked up Zwenite activity on his deep space probs. They’ve been making several paths out into the general direction of the Milky Way. Such behavior can only suggest that the former Earthlings were looking for their home planet.   
   
When Batman went back to the Watchtower’s computer screens, Superman signed. “Look, B. I know you’re suspicious. But even if the Zewnites do invite, I think we can handle a couple of rock people.”   
   
“I am not about to risk letting my guard down because you can’t take the threat of ‘a couple rock people’ seriously.”   
   
“So then you have nothing to fear by taking a bet.” It wasn’t a question. Superman wanted to see Batman lose, mostly because he didn’t want to deal with the Bat’s paranoia. That, and it’s funny proving the Bat wrong, considering the fact that that doesn’t happen often enough.   
   
“Fine.” Batman huffed, mostly to shut Superman up. “I will bet you. What’d you have in mind?”   
   
“If the Zewites do invade Earth, I will dress as Superman for Halloween,” Superman said.   
   
Superman’s bet was met with stoned silence for a solid minute. When it didn’t seem that Superman understood the irony of his bet, Batman turned to face the Man of Steel. He didn’t bother with the Bat-glare. Such a stupid statement didn’t even deserve to be recognized with that look. Finally, Batman said, “I want you to think about the ludicrously of that bet.”  
   
“You don’t get it. I’ll dress in a cheap Spirit Halloween Superman costume.”  
   
Batman considered the idea. He’d seen the $20 costumes when he had taken Dick Halloween shopping when the man was a boy. The costumes were awful. The painted on abs and styrofoam biceps made anyone who wear it look like a mix-matched Incredible Hulk in thin spandex. The idea of seeing Clark Kent dressed as a poor-man Superman for a night kind of brightened the Bat’s mood.   
   
“So if the Zewites invade, you’re going to look like an even more stupid version of yourself?”   
   
Superman smiled. “After we stop the Zewites, yes.”   
   
The corner of Batman’s mouth curled into the slightest form of a smile. “I’ll take that bet.” He turned back to monitor the computers.   
   
Superman pocked Bats in the back. “You realize that’s a one sided bet, right?”   
   
Damn, Batman though. He had been hoping the Boy Scout wouldn't know how a bet worked. “Fine. I will do the same if the Zewites do not invade. Happy?”   
   
“Batman.”  
   
“What?”   
   
“Batman costume for you. Superman costume for me.”  
   
“Fine.”   
   
***   
   
Three weeks later, the Zewites ships showed up on Batman’s probs again, but not in the way he had expected. Standing in the Watchtower, Batman watched in horror as the Zewites ships turned away from Earth and headed in the opposite direction.   
   
“Well, well, well,” Superman sang mockingly. “You know Halloween is next week, right B?”   
   
“You don’t know that they won’t come back,” Batman said definitely.   
   
“Sure. But regardless, Halloween is next week and the rock people haven’t invaded. You lost. You remember what that means, World’s Greatest Deceive?”   
   
Batman scowled. “Fuck you, Clark.”   
   
Superman laughed.   
   
***   
   
A week later, Wayne Manor was buzzing with Halloween spirit. Gotham’s most powerful and influential people danced and drank the spooky night away. The guests were dressed in everything from classic Dracula to Disney’s Moana. Some come dressed as Avengers and Justice Leaguers. An overweight Thor was having a dance off with a lady Martian Manhunter. As outrageous as the costumes were, they were anything but poorly done. All expenses were paid to ensure that the party-goers looked the part of high class elites. Even the billionaire Mark Zuckerberg dressed as a high class hobo.   
   
Some of the Justice League showed up to celebrate the Halloween night. Diana dressed as the classic Wick Witch of the West. John Stewart decided to make his name a pun and dressed as Jon Steward from The Daily Show. Clark Kent sported a Wear-wolf costume and Barry Allen showed up dressed a Speed Racer.   
   
“Nice costume, John!” Barry said as he meet up with the Green Lantern. “Who are you, Bruce Wayne?”   
   
“Cute,” John huffed. No one had recognized him as the late night comedian. Maybe he should have invested in more than a suit and tie. “Are you supposed to be Ironic Man or something, hot shot?”  
   
Berry’s response was cut off when Diana pointed said “not as ironic as it that.”   
   
Decanting from the grand state case was the host of the party: Bruce Wayne. All of Gotham’s paparazzi press had been speculating as to what the billionaire play boy was going to dress as for his annual Halloween fund raiser. Of all the outlandish guesses, no one expected the sight in-front of them.  
   
Bruce was dressed in thin black spandex from head to toe with an actual pair of Fruit-of-the-Loom black boxer shorts over top. The bright yellow Batman emblem on his chest was made of some kind of plastic that really had no reason to exist. The Batman belt was worse. His cape may as we’ll be a bed sheet. The mask was a hard plastic that stopped at the side of his head, held together by Velcro and an elastic strap, and ears that stood so high that they may as well touch the ceiling. The gauntlets were a soft fabric with stuff cardboard that kept them standup up right. The worst part was the styrofoam biceps. With Bruce Wayne’s existing muscle mass being as large as it was, the added styrofoam just made him look like an awkward, two-layered jigsaw puzzle. No part of a costume knew how to sit on him correctly.   
   
Barry made the mistake of taking a sip of his drink when he looked to the staircase. As he took in Bruce’s costume, his eyes became the size of dinner plates and he spit his vodka tonic out on The Daily Show host.   
   
“Oh, come on Barry!” John yelled, but the speedster wasn’t listening. He was too busy trying to stand up right as he burst out into laughter. He didn’t even try to stop once Bruce walked up to the group. Everyone else was smart enough to attempt to hide their snickering but everyone failed.   
   
“Not. A. Word. From any of you.” Bruce spat.   
   
Clark failed to hide a smirk. “You know Bruce, it’s not that ba-“   
   
“I said not a word, Clark.”   
   
“Not my fault that you were in favor of a world invasion.”  
   
“I hate you.”  
   
“Love you too bats! “ Clark laughed as he poked at the plastic ears. “Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> I googled "dc comics alien races" and wikipedia gave me a whole list and Zwen is cannon.... Okay then!   
> Happy (late) Halloween!


End file.
